They can be endearing, and then be infuriating.
They can be charming and then alarming
You call them or e-mail them, or IM them, and they tell you stuff,
but you sometimes wonder what's really going on in their lives.
They are your children, away at college.
Whether your oldest and first or your youngest and last, it's a great adventure keeping up.
The art is to know what to say and when to say it.
What to ask and when to ask it.
How to give and what to withhold.
I have to be honest and say there are no easy answers,
But you already know that.
This page is for you and me to keep in touch. I will offer reflections on college life & college spirituality. From time to time, I will add in links to articles and other resources that I think will help to clarify and situate what it means to be Christian and Catholic and at UB, all at the same time.
In the meantime, I want to be as available to you as I can be. My name is Fr. Pat Keleher and I am the director of Catholic Campus Ministry for the Newman Community: Catholics at UB. My e-mail address is: prspat@buffalo.edu. My office phone is 716-636-7495.
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A Prayer for Parents of College Students
O Loving God and Source of Life,
For many years You have blessed and challenged our family with a child.
With Your grace we have seen our child grow in heart and mind, in body and spirit.
In order to seek higher learning, our grown child is away from home, and we are anxious about the future.
But we call upon Your grace, once again, to surrender the one that we love to the guidance of Your Spirit.
May this chold hear Your gentle call, and follow it to the destiny that You have always had in mind.
Grant this in Your name, O Lord, Who are Father and Mother to all. Amen.
Know that the prayers of Campus Ministry are with you and your family during this exciting time of transition!
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Frequently Asked Questions:
Do you know that my Catholic student is at the University at Buffalo?
Not necessarily. UB is a public institution. They never ask any sort of religious question in the process of applying or registering. So the Newman Community has no way of knowing which of UB’s 27,200 students are Catholics. YOU COULD HELP US BY DROPPING ME AN E-MAIL WITH YOUR NAME, & YOUR STUDENT’S NAME (prspat@buffalo.edu). Otherwise, we collect student names the way most parishes do. We have a general registration at Masses on the first few Sundays of the school year.
What is the religious atmosphere at UB?
In a word, wide-open, anything goes. There are over 200 Student Organizations at UB and more than 40 of them are organizations of a religious nature. Mainline Protestant denominations, a wide variety of Evangelical Protestant groups, Jews, Muslims, Hindus and Buddhists, even Free Thinkers and Atheists, all have organizations here. The University makes no effort to police these groups, except to require that they register each year and have full-time students as leadership. Nor does the University extend any special or particular benefits to religious groups over other sorts of groups. If a religious group (such as Newman) wants to meet regularly at the Student Union, for instance, or anywhere on campus, they must request space just like the Chess Club does, and wait in line. Advertising space in the Spectrum, to give another example, costs the same for religious groups as for any other. (And it ain’t cheap.) Newman Community lives and works within these limits, like all the other organizations here.
So your student is likely to meet a wide variety of different sorts of religious expressions here, many of them Christian, some of them not, some of them down-right anti-religious. I was taught that the best thing a Catholic can bring to an inter-denominational or inter-faith conversation is 1.) an attitude of respectful listening and 2.) a deep knowledge of one’s own tradition. Newman strives to foster both.
Is it true that some groups can be pretty aggressive in their proselytizing?
Yes, a few groups can be aggressive, but only a few. I frequently instruct students, individually and in groups, how to handle this sort of pressure.
Isn't it true that secularism and anti-religious attitude pervades the university faculty?
I think that, if this ever was the case at UB, it is largely a thing of the past. Most of the faculty, staff and administrators whom I meet at UB are actively involved in worshiping communities. (Alone among the developed nations of the world, in America, the more education you have, the more likely you are to be actively religious!) As a school which focuses on the sciences, computers, architecture, engineering, education, communications and the like, most teachers will have little reason to bring their religious beliefs into the classroom. Of course, there are always a few. But it has been my experience that students quickly learn how to ‘filter out’ religious negativity.
Do you recommend that my student take the religion courses offered at UB?
Without reservation! UB’s Religious Studies Program is admirable. I encourage our Newman Community members, whatever their majors, to use their free electives on these classes. Not to mention there is an Introduction to Catholicism and Western Christianity courses that are offered.
I'm afraid that my student will drop away (or has dropped away) from regular mass attendance.
Your student is on a journey of faith. If we, who are their parents and elders, think back a bit we can remember our own faith journeys when we were in college. (I certainly remember mine, but I was in the seminary!) Many Catholic students will take a little “leave-of-absence” at one time or another during their college experience. As they work out their received faith, transforming it into a faith of their own, they may actually need a little time away. I never judge. I frequently challenge. But I always welcome those who have taken ‘time-off’ when they return. And I can assure you, most do return. I realize that it is never simple, but I recommend that parents do the same. The best thing you can do for your student away at school is to see to your own on-going faith development!
Should I be concerned that my student is participating in another group's Bible study?
Most likely, no. With a few exceptions, the hundreds of little ‘bible study’ groups which proliferate in the residence halls and apartment complexes are moments when Christian students of various sorts gather together around the Scriptures to share their day-to-day challenges. I suspect that about 95% of these groups—which form and reform constantly—use the Bible in a “devotional” manner. Its stories, sayings and teachings are simply the starting point for reflection, sharing and prayer. There are a few religious organizations whose bible study groups have a very specific agenda, are tightly controlled and insist on a truly “fundamentalist” and “literalist” interpretation. Catholic students, for the most part, quickly learn to recognize these and avoid them.
Are there cults at UB?
No, I don’t think so, but some religious groups can exhibit “Cult Behavior” and parents should learn to recognize the signs of it. Here is some helpful information produced by San Francisco University, which you may find helpful.
I sometimes worry that my student may be susceptible to being in an abusive relationship.
As frightening as this can be, it is an honest possibility. Parents should learn to recognize the sign that their child might be in an emotionally or even physically abusive relationship. I recommend the following website as a starting point: www.peaceathome.com.
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